LSU Atlanta

LSU FOOTBALL VIEW-IN PREVIEW

LSU Fightin’ Tigers

vs.
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? BREAKING NEWS!

Well the good news is that LSU didn’t lose to an inferior opponent and is sitting pretty in the polls. Jarrett Lee is progressing faster than Jamarcus Russell did at this point in his development, and Charles “Ground Chuck” Scott has erased any doubt about his ability as the first LSU running back since Charles Alexander to rush for over 100 yards in four consecutive games.

Hat’s off to Sly Croom and the MSU Bulldogs – how that defense gave up a gazillion yards to Georgia Tech is a total mystery to Mikey. But let’s put Moo U in the rearview and move straight ahead to this week’s opponent, and it is a Mike A. Tiger Exclusive Breaking Story about LSU playing…

THE NOTOO LAME FIGHTIN' AMISH!!

Yes, this an Open Date week, but Mikey has learned that the Tigers will have a secret closed scrimmage next Friday against a private college team that is trying to get a football program started. According to Head Coach Miles Standoffish, “We pray that by playing a simulated game against the best team we could find, it will show our boys how to play this newfangled game. I believe having a football team will finally bring Notoo Lame into the 20th Century!”

LSU coach Les Miles says he met Standoffish (who, like all Amish, has a nickname, his being "The Black Hat") at the annual coach’s convention and felt sorry that no one was talking to him.

Fear God...and The Black Hat

“I know what it’s like to have your hat made fun of. So I shook his hand and made a joke about us both having the name Miles. He told me he had a cow named Bo and we hit it off. I also shared that we had Amish folks as neighbors when I was a kid in Ohio,” The Hat recalls. “He’s a progressive thinker and had a sincere desire to put his school on the map, so I invited him to bring his boys down on our open date for a quick scrimmage.” Standoffish said he convinced Notoo Lame President Vetter Studehardt that a robust athletic program would enhance academics. In case you are wondering, Notoo Lame’s campus is located in the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch Country between Intercourse and Bird-In-Hand/Paradise. Don’t believe me? Look it up, Skippy.

The road trip to Baton Rouge accentuated the challenges that lay ahead for the fledgling program. “It took us eight weeks in 28 buggies to transport the team,” says Athletic Director Jeremiah "Jerry Rig" Rostermacher, noting that the school mascot is the horse and buggy.
Favorite Cheer: "Giddy Up, Amish!!"

“You can talk about the price of gasoline all you want, but have you got any idea how much hay it takes to feed all those horses for 56 days?”

The Notoo Lame “Fightin’ Amish” are a tough bunch, make no mistake about it. They are lead by freshman running back Moses "Straight Row" Bellrung, who does not have any official football stats but recently won the Lancaster County Plowing Contest. He will be aided by an offensive line that includes Daniel “Porky Dan” Hammich, David “Gap Dave” Blocher, Caleb “Chubby” Czecher, and John "Pepper Yonnie" Schaketgud, who says he got his nickname “when I put some pepper on the stove after a hymnsing and made the whole choir sneeze.”

But the true novelty of the offense is their female quarterback Annie Getzurgun, who demonstrated herself to be the best passer in team tryouts. “I have been throwing cow chips and dirt clods since as long as I can recollect,” she says. “If ye can find an open space out on that painted pasture, I can sure as sugar hit thee with that leather ball.”

Their defense is something of a mystery. When asked who is going to face the Tiger offense Standoffish would only look up and say “Lord Knows - the Good Book is our defense.” It is assumed the same 11 will play on both sides of the ball. Their punter is a mule named "Squib."

Game Prediction
As simple, proper and well-raised these young men and woman are, they are going to get a lesson in humility by the LSU Tigers due to this unfortunate photo taken of the Amish team as they entered the LSU campus:

This photo is now prominently displayed on the bulletin board in the LSU Practice facility and the mood has turned from “Let’s mentor the Mennonites” to “Let’s buggy whip these punks back into the Roman Empire!”

Their School Motto is a traditional Amish saying: “Faith calls for a lifestyle of discipleship and good works, service and holy living.” Too bad football calls for a nasty attitude and years of practice. LSU 116, Fightin’ Amish 2 (Miles will instruct the boys to take a safety out of pity and to encourage them to keep plowing.)

Now on to some serious news and more fun and games to get you through the off week…

VOTE IN ESPN POLL – HELP THE LSU TIGER BAND WIN $25,000
ESPN is having a Battle of the Bands competition to promote the release of the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull DVD release in October. Bands from the NCAA College Football Top 10 last year participated and LSU was one of them! So go the website below and vote for LSU EVERY day! The winning band gets $25,000 which the Tiger Band will apply to the new band hall fund.
Do the link and forward it to any other LSU friends and family to vote too! Also take time to check out the videos of each band's performance – LSU’s really kicks!

http://promo.espn.go.com/espn/contests/indianajones/voteBand

FORGET EA SPORTS – PLAY LSU PAC MAN Okay, if you are Ole War Skule in your video game experience like ole Mikey, here’s the perfect diversion for you to while away the hours on a fall Saturday with no Tiger Football fix.

http://www.nola.com/photos/t-p/TigerBait/tigerbait.swf

FOR THE TIGER FAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING DEPT.
Looking for that perfect holiday or birthday gift for the LSU fanatic in your life who seemlingly already has every LSU collectible and oddity imaginable? Problem solved! Check out the Les Miles doorknocker: (Warning – for those easily offended, do not do this link for the Les Miles Doorknocker)
And yes, it's a joke photoshop page I found on the net, so if you tried to click on the order link you are now officially a Mike A. Tiger doofuss.

MIKE’S HOT LINKS
Want to know where Mikey spends a lot of his time and finds much of his information online? Check out these links:
BayouBengalBlog – Scott McKay just debuted this a few months ago but it has more good stuff and style than most other blogs combined. Free to subscribe to the daily blog and a few bucks gets you the best info first and fast. www.damnstrong.net
Message Boards Most Tiger fans now frequent the Rant at www.tigerdroppings.com, but while I spend some time there I have been a longtime participant and subscriber to The Tiger’s Lair at www.tigerroar.com. It’s the great granddaddy of LSU message boards and the best $32 a year I spend on my LSU fix. It’s always been the first place news shows up, and as a subscription board you get more wheat and a lot less chaff than the open forums.
Dandy Don was blogging before blogs even had a name. Don Long is Tiger Fan #1 and he faithfully shares a wide range of information of interest to P&G fans at www.dandydon.com. Sometimes he jumps the gun on a factoid or misses a typo, but the Dandy One is an LSU internet icon that will always be in my Favorites.

...AND JUST A LITTLE MORE COWBELL
Finally, here’s a nice retrospective of Jacob Hester that also ties in neatly with my obsession with cowbells from last week’s blog. To get the clanging completely out of your system, enjoy this tribute to Hester prepared to the music of his pop idol Elvis…with a little help from Will Ferrell.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGyKwZ-8Qlw

The Gators are next! You won’t want to miss the next blog…unless you are Urban Meyer or Tim Tebow’s parents!

Your Pal,

Mike A. Tiger

LSU Faithful in the ATL: Please join us at one of our two view-in locations to watch Tiger Football this fall= Rio Grande Cantina in Buckhead or Buffalo Wild Wings in Alpharetta. We promise you won’t find a better viewing party with your fellow fans!